While I don't necessarily consider myself a romantic per se,
Valentine's Day ropes me in every year. The sappiest sentiments make me
ooh and ahh like a teenager, and everywhere I look there's an overload of
cuteness. Roses, candy and roses, puppies and roses, it's just so darn
adorable.
Many will crowd the perfume aisles and lingerie stores in search
of the perfect gift. This year I'm closing in on my third year of
motherhood, and while I love cuddly teddy bears and chocolate truffles I'm more
inclined to ask for gifts I can really use, Hint: Sleep makes an appearance on
this list.
So keep your flowers, here is Nine Things I Really Want for
Valentine's Day:
1. An Automatic Laundry Folder
If it's good enough for Jane Jetson it's good enough for
me. And while we're at it throw in that automatic mop if you love me.
2. Sleep
I'm not talking about a nap. I need an all day, pee in a bucket
by the side of the bed, wake up looking 18 yrs. old sleep. I want to emerge
from the bedroom looking like characters from the TV show Lost. Now that's a good
sleep. Wait, weren't they dead?
3. A Fancy Dinner Date
We love our children, but once in a while I want to be able to
have a nice sit down dinner alone, just the two of us. One where I'm not
cutting anyone's food into eighths, this includes you Dad.
4. A Bath
I can't remember the last time I took a bath. When you become a
mom you start taking these 30-second prison showers like you're a character on
Orange is The New Black. Then you're constantly sticking your head out of the
curtain with soapy "crazy eyes" to tell your kid to sit down. Calgon,
take me away dawg.
5. Now stop, Sexy Time!
This one is beneficial for us both. You, Marvin Gaye and 30 good
minutes are all I need. Wink, Wink.
6. Wine
A bottle of wine is always a good gift. Valentine's Day,
Mother's Day, Every Day, wine just works.
7. A housekeeper
If you happen to run into some extra cash I wouldn't be opposed
to someone else cleaning up. Just sayin'
8. Make Dinner
Gordon Ramsey I am not, so I will not judge your cooking.
I love you madly so whatever recipes you've got in the stash I will eat. Want
to make grilled cheese every night? I'd tear it up like Eddie Murphy did those
crackers in Raw. "This is not regular cheese, this is Muenster, nom nom
nom"
9. A Freeze Ray
Finally,
I'd like a freeze ray to freeze all of our precious family moments. I'd also
use it to eat, pee, wash, read, and sleep in peace. We wouldn't want it to go
to waste now would we?
